To Be

"The important thing is: to be able to sacrifice at any moment what we are for what we could become." (Charlie Dubois) I just read that here. (My new favorite blog. She's fantastic. A wonderful, inspiring writer who feels like a friend that I've never met.)
I read this quote and felt a- click! That's why I'm doing a lot of the things I'm doing. Like going through therapy. And not watching tv. And going to bootcamp. A lot of these things may seem insignificant to others - but for me, they're biggies. Day to day life is such a struggle. I press my inner mute button far more than is probably healthy but I'm learning how to speak when it's truly important and within that is that I'm learning how to speak for myself. I think I can be more than what I am. Physically, mentally and emotionally.
It won't be a surprise, I'm sure, for me to say that I have low self-esteem. Yesterday, my fella told me that he relayed a conversation to his therapist (don't we sound like a fun couple?) where he told me that I looked good in the new workout clothes that I bought for ever-increasingly colder bootcamp and I instantly cringed and said- "not good enough." That kind of sums up how I feel about myself, as a whole. Sure, I look good - but it's not good enough. Why don't I see what other people see? When I look at a picture of myself, I am completely befuddled as to how someone could say that I'm attractive. And frankly, I'm tired of it. I want to let it go.
I guess I know what I want to talk about in therapy today. If I have any revelations, I'll get back to you.