now

The truth is,

I don't know what to say.

Or how to say it.

I've told people

I've said it out loud

but it doesn't get any easier.

But here it is ~

my father died on October 25th.

It was sudden.

It is terribly, terribly sad.

It is worse than I ever imagined.

I wasn't sure if I should write about it
if I could
but how can I not?
I carry it with me every hour.

I don't know where to go from here.

Or how to go from here.

I move from day to day

and the days blend together.

My brain doesn't work quite the same as it did before.
Before.

Each day I feel a small shock
when I remember
and it's like my breath has been stolen away.
They are both gone now.
And who am I - now that I am no one's child?

It's been 3 weeks.

I 

feel

so

lost.

And I miss them.