dancing with myself

i think too much.
when i stop moving, my brain keeps going
and it's usually not a good thing.

how do you fill your brain?
how do you stay creative?
how do you still feel like you're in touch with the world?

because as much as I am in love with my new house
and feel excited about making into, truly, a home,
I still feel
isolated
and kind of
lonely
a lot of the time.

what have I done to get to this place?
I have only myself to blame for the relationships that I squandered
and I can't blame others for letting me go
because I think, a lot of the time, I'm not a lot of fun to be around.
I'm filled with a lot of self-doubt and even now, at this age, I am a broken record - spinning the same crappy top 40 record that has been playing since the 80's.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - I'm tired of myself. maybe it's time for a makeover. an inside and out makeover. reinvent myself.
Or maybe it's time for a new tattoo.
It doesn't change much. But it's a fun thing to do.