merry

Our power came on at 1:15pm today.

It went off at 8:45 Sunday morning.

We were lucky -

Fella bought a generator so the first night we had lights and internet

the second night he hooked it up to our furnace so we had heat.

But today, 

when the power came back on, 

I felt more excited than a child on Christmas morning.

This has been a hard year.

I wanted a quiet holiday

and to just get through it 

(because, you see, my Dad died two months ago tomorrow.)

But the storm and the lack of power

it got me down.

Fella was amazing. 

But me?

Not so amazing.

I hope to get back to blogging in the coming weeks.

I need to turn things around

to make life better

as much as I can.

So Merry Christmas everyone.

I hope you have heat

and lights

and lots to eat

(and I know that many do not)

and I do count myself lucky.

I just need some time to heal

before I can get back to living again.

And I hope

that when I am better

I'm better than usual.

I need to make some changes and I know that I can.

My wish for you is that your holiday is everything you hope it will be.

Christmas over here.

I love our tree this year.

(I think I say that every year.)

cats on Christmas morning are pretty easy to please. 

They each had their own box so they curled up and went to sleep immediately.

I was a lucky girl this Christmas. 

Fella got me at 70-300mm lens for my camera.

Those gold boxes get me every time.

Dreamy.

And a Kobo!

Now I don't have to tote heavy books with me on the subway.

I am kind of old school when it comes to reading

I love paper

I love the smell

I love the permanence of books.

But when I commute or travel, I think I'll prefer what an ereader has to offer. 

Light weight and lots of choice.

My reading habits are completely different when I'm on vacation.I find it hard to concentrate.

 This will be good. It also has the light so I can read in bed at night and not disturb fella.

 Double win. Or maybe that's a triple?

We had Christmas dinner with friends this year so we cooked our turkey on Boxing Day.

Delicious as always...

Chester watching over the snowmageddon aftermath... 

First time in the Sorels this winter!

Hope you're holidays have been merry!

Wow.
Have I really posted nothing in 10 days?
That's bleak.

But you know - it's not because I feel bleak,
I actually feel very happy.
And content.

Usually at this time of year, I'm fully entrenched in Christmas everything.
I've been listening to carols on the radio.
I've watched Love, Actually a couple of times. And even, perhaps, The Family Stone.

But not this year.
This year I haven't felt a trace of the sadness that usually shadows me.
This year I haven't gone to the sentimental traditions of my childhood.

And I think I've figured out why.
I'm looking forward to Christmas.
I'm looking forward to being on vacation for 2 weeks
and hanging out with my fella and cats
and eating good food and visiting with friends


but I won't be looking for something that is missing.
I won't be trying to recreate something that doesn't exist anymore.
I'll still make my mother's stuffing
and perhaps buy a box of Cap'n Crunch to have on Christmas morning
(since that was the only day of the year my mother let us have sugary cereal)
but for once I'll know that I have what I want
and that I can stop looking
and know that Christmas is only one day of the year
and that the day after, everything will be the same.

And that is not just ok
but good.

Spreading Good Cheer

I can never buy ordinary Christmas cards.

I always want to find something quirky or different. Something that will stand out from the crowd.

This year I found these:

Kate Spade

The inside message says, "spreading good cheer".

Cuties.

I got them at Chapters.

I also picked up one of these:

It's the Voluspa Goji Tarocco Orange

and it smells divine!

Christmas shopping has officially begun!

I try to not think about Christmas in November.

It's too soon.

The mild weather we're having helps remind us that it's still fall

and make us think that we might not be inching closer to winter.

I love buying and writing Christmas cards every year.

It was something my mom always did

and I'm sure that has a lot to do with why I do.

I'm kind of old fashioned when it comes to correspondence - 

sadly, I don't write letters much anymore

but it wasn't so long ago that I did.

I choose my cards pretty carefully

and I thought I'd see what Etsy has on offer this year.

It's a bit overwhelming -

there were over 56,000 to choose from (I didn't go through them all...)

But here were a few that caught my eye ~ 

$15 for 6 cards

Source

$15 for 10 cards

Source

(I quite like these ones!)

$12 for 12 cards

Source

$12 for 12

Source

I'm not a dog person, really, but who could resist this guy?

$12 for 6

Source

Sigh.

How does a girl choose?

This is the ghost of December 27th....

Here's a post I wrote on December 27th. Our internet has been spotty this week (much like my health) and my attempts to upload photos failed every time....better late than never? So here it is - with edits)
Now go back in time and pretend it's December 27th

It's been a busy and fun few days!

Christmas was very quiet and relaxing - it's just me and my fella and since we didn't exchange gifts this year 

(except for a book I bought him before we agreed to not buy gifts. I got a great deal on it so it seemed silly to return it....) 

so we had a nice breakfast, he read his book, I read a magazine that I got a couple of weeks ago, we napped, snacked and made a big turkey dinner with all of our favorite fixin's.

We used my mother's china, which my Dad gave me when he sold his house this summer. Actually, my sister has been carting it in her carryon bag everytime she flies up from Halifax. 

(That's love. Or just the resolve that she won't store it in her basement along with all of the other stuff that came out of my father's house. )

It was nice. I don't think it's been used since the year my mom died so it makes me happy to think it would make her happy that it's being used.

No, I don't have any pictures. I know. That makes all this much more boring. But I'm still sharing. 

There you go.

I do have a few photos of other Christmassy things....

I could not, for the life of me, decide on how I wanted to decorate the front of the house.

I know urns are popular but I don't have any and I wanted something different. I just couldn't figure out what that was. Truth be told, our front entrance is a bit awkward. There's not a lot of room to put urns or the like out there because then it's hard for people to get in the front door so I haven't put anything out there. 

Yes, it's plain but at least nobody trips on anything trying to get in.

Safety first!

We were going to decorate the tree out front like this:

but we didn't have enough lights and I refused to pay $20 per strand of lights.

(that reminds me - I have to go to Canadian tire and buy lights on sale if there are any left...)

So we ended up with something simple but I thought it looked pretty. Especially with the snow...

Here's another:

I baked so much stuff this year!

I made these guys

plus:

brownies

nanaimo bars (which some people told me were the best they ever had! It was my first time making them so I was thrilled)

lemon bars

almond roca bars

candy cane bark

chocolate covered peanut butter balls

hello dolly squares

(they don't look like much in the photo but they are deeeelicious!)

The downside? There's still lots left.

Bad for my waistline

but they were oh-so-fun to make! I discovered that I really like baking and I can't wait to try some new recipes this year.

I've also decided that I need to come up with some menu ideas so we can have people over for dinner and not just order pizza like we usually do. If anyone has any ideas, please share....

I got these cute little wreaths at the Bay. They were 40% off!

This one's a little bit bigger. I hung it in the kitchen.

(you can see my old beloved coffee maker in this photo.)

Chester is not put off by the snow....

There are some other ones I'll post later.

For some reason blogger hates a few of my photos and won't upload them.

I'll retake the photos and post....

Now I have to go buy a stock pot to boil the turkey carcass in.

Ew, I know.

Fella promised to do it since I'm about 5 steps away from vegetarianism.

It's a bit much for me!

O Tannenbaum

it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Happy December 1st!

This week has been a little wonky.

On Monday night I met up with a friend and drank far too much wine for a Monday night.

On Tuesday I woke up feeling vile and suspected that it wasn't actually from the wine or the late night

(or, hopefully, the sushi I ingested)

but I felt flu-ey.

So I went to work in the morning, did what I had to do, then came home and crashed.

(Ok I watched episodes of Gossip Girl online. I don't have cable. It's my only way!)

Then - I baked!

I made "Hello Dolly" squares, which are a delectable combination of

graham cracker crumbs

butter

chocolate chips

coconut

walnuts

and, best of all,

sweetened condensed milk.

They turned out perfectly.

It was magic.

The best thing is that they freeze really well so you can make them ahead of time.

Then I made cookie batter for these:

but I ran out of flour so now the dough is sitting in the fridge in a bowl waiting to be rolled out.

(yes I should stop typing and go to the store. I will!)

I love these cookies. 

They are my favorite.

Christmas baking has officially begun!

holiday-ish-ness

I've been having a hard time figuring out how I want to decorate the house for Christmas.

I know this sounds kind of stupid but I really can't decide what I want to do.

I know I want to use greenery on the mantle and keep things soft and cozy indoors.

I have no idea what to do outside.

Our front entrance is not exactly....enticing.

I don't want lights on the house

but I want lights somewhere outside.

Basically, I want Sarah Richardson to come tell me what to do.

I know it's not a big deal.

I can change it if I don't like it

and

I can always do something different next year.

But since this is our first Christmas in our house, I want it to be just right.

Last night I found these pillows at Crate and Barrel

and I know I want them.

They are subtle Christmas

and I think they would brighten up our huge brown leather couch

(which we, and everyone who comes into our living room, loves, but it's still huge and brown)

Maybe I can make some progress this weekend.

I've promised Fella that no decorations will go up until December.

But that doesn't mean I can't plan it all out.

Wish me luck.



Humpfh!

This morning I was walking to the subway and look what I spied upon:

Yes, it's a terrible photo

and yes, those are Christmas lights! 

November was only 7 hours old!

It's still dark outside!

It's too EARLY FOR CHRISTMAS PEOPLE!

I love Christmas stuff. Truly I do.

But for cripes sake, hold off for a few weeks would you?

Halloween is still a very, very recent memory!

Humpfh!

pretty

I know it's early to be thinking of Christmas decorations

but fella and I were at Crate and Barrel on the weekend and he wouldn't let me even look at ornaments!

He said we can go back November 1st but not a day sooner.

Not until Halloween is over.

I know he's right,

but still....

Here are some things that caught my wandering eye...

(I have some of these and I just love them!)

Our Goose (well, turkey) was Cooked!

We didn't cook our turkey on Christmas day this year because we had a huge breakfast and then cheese and crackers for dinner. So we cooked it on Boxing Day. We then decided that we didn't want a big fancy meal so we had turkey sandwiches instead. Best decision of the holiday. It's what everyone looks forward to anyway...

Pssst!

It's Christmas eve!

and it's snowing!

are you checking the sky for Santa?

Pretty Tree

My beloved surprised me the other night on the way home by taking me to a street that had this beautiful tree...

He's not one much for Christmas so it was a nice surprise....

Only two more days of work and then I'm on vacation!

Auld Lang Syne

I haven't been writing been writing a lot lately. Things have been a mixed up mishmash inside. I often have a lot of anxiety at this time of year. Christmas is coming and my family is far away and I long for days of yore.
Because, see, Christmas in my house when I was growing up, was magic.

I mean - the magic of Santa and dreams coming true on Christmas morning was a reality for me. But it wasn't just about that - it was the one time of year my whole family was together. Christmas day was sacred to me because no one went anywhere. No one went off with their friends, everyone spent the night and we were all there together. There's no question there were flaws - my dad drank his way through Christmas Eve and probably through most of Christmas day but I think that, as a kid, I didn't see any of that. Maybe I was just used to it. Things changed over the years. I grew up and found boyfriends and friends more important than hanging out with my family but I think I always held on to hope - that that one day was going to be more special than any other of the year. I still wanted us to be together on Christmas Day.

The spell would break the following day, (although in our neck of the woods, stores didn't open on Boxing Day so shopping was out but they would publish the newspaper and everyone would check out the upcoming sales and wonder if anything was actually open on Christmas Day and if you needed to urgently buy milk, where would you get it?). That was the day that everyone went a-wassailing, read their new books and magazines, watched a movie, ate turkey sandwiches and mincemeat pie and cookies galore. Sometimes, when I was really young, I would wake up on Boxing Day and convince myself that it was Christmas morning all over again because it had been so wonderful.

My mother loved Christmas. She went overboard to a massive degree and it was amazing. There would be a mountain of presents under the tree- they would creep out into the middle of the living room! I'm sure she paid for everything with her credit card and spent the rest of the year paying it off but she made it so special and she seemed to love doing it. I just realized that my mother never had a real vacation. She never went to Europe or New York. She never went anywhere. Her family was her life, whether she wanted it to be or not. She went on to do some amazing things but in the end, she was cheated by life, I think.

It was hard the year she died. Everyone came home with the hopes of somehow buffering ourselves from the reality that was painfully clear - she was gone. And with her went the glue that held our family together.

Two years ago, my niece got married. We all went home for the wedding, the first family wedding in many years, and decided to make it a family reunion. There was no other occasion than the wedding. We just convinced everyone to go. That was the first time my family had been together in sixteen years. I'm not talking extended family - this was my brothers and sisters and my father (as well as spouses and kiddies.) Sixteen. Years. This is a hard fact to swallow. As cruel as it sounds, I've come to believe that we don't rate each other as important enough to make the effort that is required to get together. We take each other for granted. We are a selfish lot. And one day, there will be regret. Maybe. Maybe not. My father is aging. So are my siblings. I am the youngest of seven - I will outlive some of them. Some of them I will feel I never knew. Some feel like home to me always.

My Christmases now are different. My partner and I have a quiet routine that we enjoy but there's no question that my heart longs for the way it was. The noise and bustle of a big family - the closeness and chaos and quantity of everything. We went home a couple of years ago and spent Christmas with my sister and her husband. I vowed to never do that again. The whole thing just felt off and I knew that it was better to create new traditions rather than try to recreate old ones.

I allow myself to indulge in my memories at Christmas, even though they make me melancholy, it's like eating or drinking too much - it feels good at the time, even if it brings some pain. I know those days are only a memory and I guess I should count myself lucky that I have them. But I know that they, like my mother, are gone. And it still hurts like it was yesterday.