green leaves

I was talking to a colleague yesterday about the sudden death of another colleague earlier this week.

She was telling me that it has made her very sad

but at the same time

it makes her think twice about her own life

how she should enjoy each moment

and not wait to do things - just do them! Live!

People say things like this a lot.

They also say things like

"everything happens for a reason"

as a way of comforting themselves when the inexplicable, inconceivable happens and they are left searching for meaning in the face of tragedy.

I am an atheist.

I think that things do happen for a reason

but I believe it all comes down to science

not to the guiding hand of an unmerciful God.

(I actually find scientific explanations way more comforting than the idea that someone up above thinks it's ok to allow things to happen like tragic, early death, cancer or natural disasters)

I think she's right in saying that we should live life fully and not put off things that we want to do

but I don't think that it's a natural state for people to live in.

You can't live each day as though you're going to die tomorrow

but you can try to open your eyes to what's going on around you, enjoy the sunsets and the stars

and see how funny and entertaining the world can be.

But she said something else that has stayed with me.

It struck me as profound.

She was saying that it's fall and she should enjoy the leaves changing colour when she walks around outside.

In the spring we see everything growing and turning green - full of life.

But now we see the leaves turning yellow and we expect them to fall.

But sometimes the green ones fall too.

Grump I

Have you ever heard a piece of music that stops you dead in your tracks? You simply HAVE to stop what you're doing and find it, hunt it down, have it in your head so you don't lose it or forget it. I had that tonight - I heard a sliver of this and I was frozen. Had to have it. She has a great voice. It's so fun to play with your voice the way she does in this song. Maybe it's not intentional but I like to think it is. From one singer to another - it's fun to change it up and give it crackle and pop. I'm talking nonsense here, I know. I think I'm just so tickled when something makes me react. Makes me feel. Because you can go days and feel nothing. This week has been kind of hard. Someone I know lost a loved one yesterday and it brings back so many of my own memories of loss. I would never want to make someone else's grief be about me in anyway. People are such asses as it is - that they project their ideas on others by saying trite, meaningless things like - It's for the best. or They had a good life.
WHAT DO PEOPLE BASE THESE THINGS ON? What would possess a person to say this to someone when they are in a pit of grief? When they are coming to terms with the idea that a person they loved and was a part of their life is gone forever?
When people start with this nonsense, I just want to shake some sense into them. Everyone wants to be part of the dramatics and novelty of it. It has no meaning. I think, sadly, most things in the world have very little meaning to most people. Sometimes I wish they didn't to me, either, because it would all hurt less. But it's not so. I have to be clear - I don't think I'm better than anyone else, I just wish people would keep their traps shut. I have a great loathing of self-centered people. I've probably ranted about this before so it's old news. But it irks me. I'm grumpy. Death brings out my darkest of dark sides.