whine

Why is it that there are so many things in this world that give us instant gratification but then turn out that they only make us feel worse?

Like chocolate?
or shopping?
or alcohol?

You know what else gets added to my list?
Complaining.
I go through periods where I complain endlessly.
There is very little that is redeeming about this, but like I said, at the time, it feels great. (especially if you have someone egging you on)

But then, if you have any awareness (or hindsight) you start to recognize that your egger's eyes have started to glaze over and their shoulders have drooped.
And why?
Because you have sucked all of their energy out of them and they have started to resent your rant.

How do you turn it off?
How do you change gears and try to ac-cent-uate the positive?
For me, sometimes I can and sometimes I can't. I wish I could be more consistent.
Sometimes I wish I could be less reactive, less emotional, be more of a "shrug it off" kind of girl.
But I'm not.
And I'm well on my way to 40 so I'm beginning to suspect that my mood makeover isn't happening anytime soon.

I think I need a vacation.

Grumpy

I know I'm grumpy today.

I'm having a hard time seeing the silver lining on all of the clouds.

Which is why I sought to cure it with some Natalie Dee.

She always makes things better!

Here's what I found that turned my frown upside down.

I know, I know - it's all a bit caustic but at least I'm smiling instead of snarling!

Hope your day is better than mine!

Grump I

Have you ever heard a piece of music that stops you dead in your tracks? You simply HAVE to stop what you're doing and find it, hunt it down, have it in your head so you don't lose it or forget it. I had that tonight - I heard a sliver of this and I was frozen. Had to have it. She has a great voice. It's so fun to play with your voice the way she does in this song. Maybe it's not intentional but I like to think it is. From one singer to another - it's fun to change it up and give it crackle and pop. I'm talking nonsense here, I know. I think I'm just so tickled when something makes me react. Makes me feel. Because you can go days and feel nothing. This week has been kind of hard. Someone I know lost a loved one yesterday and it brings back so many of my own memories of loss. I would never want to make someone else's grief be about me in anyway. People are such asses as it is - that they project their ideas on others by saying trite, meaningless things like - It's for the best. or They had a good life.
WHAT DO PEOPLE BASE THESE THINGS ON? What would possess a person to say this to someone when they are in a pit of grief? When they are coming to terms with the idea that a person they loved and was a part of their life is gone forever?
When people start with this nonsense, I just want to shake some sense into them. Everyone wants to be part of the dramatics and novelty of it. It has no meaning. I think, sadly, most things in the world have very little meaning to most people. Sometimes I wish they didn't to me, either, because it would all hurt less. But it's not so. I have to be clear - I don't think I'm better than anyone else, I just wish people would keep their traps shut. I have a great loathing of self-centered people. I've probably ranted about this before so it's old news. But it irks me. I'm grumpy. Death brings out my darkest of dark sides.