my own private idaho

I know I haven't been blogging much

but I've got lots to say.

I've been busy working on our back yard.

This is the first year we aren't undertaking a big project back there so this year is all about pretty-fying.

And by pretty-fying I mean flowers and lights.

Let's go back and review.

Year 1

We cleared the chaos.

Oh and it was chaos!

Year 2 

We had to get a new fence built.

Before

After.

That same year we built a deck.

Year 3

We took out these bloody awful trees. They were hideous. In the winter it looked like snow covered boobs were peeking up into the living room window. 

Shudder.

Better!

Year 4 

We built a shed. 

I realized when liooking for photos that I don't actually have a photo of the finished project. I'll get on that and update later...

This year?

No big projects. 

Just a lot of pretty. 

The payoff.

We've come a long way.

Get Outside

I don't know about you

but I am positively itching for spring.

To see green things

to get out in the garden

and get out of the house.

I love our house

but I feel like one of my favorite rooms has been off limits since September.

How fitting then, that Etsy's daily email was on this very subject today!

How cute are these bird feeders?

$55

$90

Last week I was scrolling through some photos and I found this:

I showed it to fella and he didn't recognize it as our own backyard right away.

But it is! And it's coming!

Spring is coming!

hometown glory

When we were in Nova Scotia,

we went to Dartmouth, my hometown, to see my Dad's old house and to see some of the sites where I grew up.

You may not have ever heard of Dartmouth.

And that's because it's a suburb of Halifax

and well, it's not really famous for anything.

Fella maintains that it is the teen pregnancy capital of Canada

but I don't believe it.

Regardless, it's not really a destination.

It has some interesting history

but really, people go to the east coast and go to Halifax and Peggy's Cove

not Dartmouth.

We stopped into a cafe in the long dead downtown

 and it was packed and had a great vibe.

It's called 'Two if By Sea"
(I showed you photos of the croissants...mmmm)

They had a poster on the wall that caught my eye-

and this one less so...

Seeing these items was so weird.

People usually scoff when they say Dartmouth

like it's nothing special

and perhaps

worth a little embarrassment.

Shame or no, it's where I grew up

and have no doubt

I wanted out for as long as I can remember

but I was kind of tickled to see these posters and t-shirts.

Unfortunately, the posters are sold out.

But I think I'll send them an email

telling them of my hometown pride

and hope they take pity on me

for living in 

big, 

evil

Toronto.

If you harbour a secret love for Dartmouth,

you can find these beauties here.

this land is my land part 2

Old Nova Scotia Textiles Factory

(they were going to make it into condos but it fell through)

Windsor, Nova Scotia

Blomidon Look Off - over looking the Minas Basin/Annapolis Valley

Bear River is a tidal river so some of the houses are on stilts.

Digby

(like seafood? This is the place for you!)

 Annapolis Royal

Fort Anne- Annapolis Royal

Graveyard at Fort Anne, Annapolis Royal.

Fort Anne

Things learned on this trip:

1. you can buy a century-old house in rural Nova Scotia for a pittance.

2. we may retire in Nova Scotia because of 1.

3. Nothing beats the smell of sea air. It's cleansing and peaceful, even when the ocean is not.

4. I miss home. I love Toronto, but it's no Nova Scotia.

this land is my land part 1

We headed to my homeland last weekend,

otherwise known as Nova Scotia.

We had lunch downtown at a new bbq place.

(ok it was new to me but I haven't been there in two years so, it's not really new.)

then we walked around a bit.

It was a beautiful day.

I've always loved this sign.

I finally took a picture of it.

This place has incredible croissants

that's right.

it's a bacon croissant.

delicious.

and they are in Dartmouth!

There isn't a lot of cool stuff in Dartmouth so, this was kind of a big thing.

Great coffee too.

the historic Shubenacadie Canal!

(well, ok , it's shed next to the canal...)

Up next - the home of the first capital in Nova Scotia!

(try to contain your excitement.)

books books books

I'm loving these bookshelf arrangements from 

Lonny

I love the girliness of this...

there's something so sweet about the papered back of this one....

Sadly, all of our books are still packed in plastic bins in the basement.

I love to read but I hate the cluttered look of bookshelves

we thought that we would build bookcases for the basement and the tv room and thus not have the clutter on the upper floors of the house.

and this, well, it's just amazing....

(but I hope I never have that much stuff...)

my own little corner

When our house dreams first started to take shape,

I had fantasies of having my own little space - a nook, a corner - something that was my own.

As we started looking, that idea became less important

and I focused more on other things like the yard, the kitchen, the overall layout of the house.

And kind of forgot about the idea of my space.

When we found our house, it had three bedrooms.

The front room is the "master" bedroom

(as much as you can get a master bedroom in a house built in 1946. Basically, it's the largest room- let's call it Papa Bear room)

We decided to use that as our tv room because

we adamantly did not want our 37 inch tv dominating our living room

and we chose the Mama Bear room for our bedroom.

We were no longer in a two bedroom apartment so we didn't have to pack

the bed

two bedside tables

and

two large dressers

in one Mama-Bear bedroom.

I originally was convinced that I wanted to "save" a bedroom for guests

but we also have an apartment in the basement and once we get all of the boxed up stuff we haven't dealt with yet, we can make it into a nice space for guests - complete with their own bathroom.

It really isn't very nice yet, but it will be eventually. Give me time.

This left the third bedroom.

The closets are also small in the bedrooms because it's old and people back then didn't have the volume of stuff we have now.

So fella uses the closet in the front room

(he also gets up at an ungodly hour to go to work so using that closet is less disruptive to my sleep.)

And I use the Baby Bear room.

It's my office/dressing room/ music room.

It's neat and tidy and only has my stuff in it.

and I LOVE IT.

(I realize these pictures are sub-par but it's all I have right now)

The desk I got at the Christie antiques show in September.

Same goes for the two chairs.

I have since hung curtains and it makes a huge difference in the "cosy" factor of the room.

 

(again - terrible picture but at least you can see my breadbox and lamp in action!)

(I'm now realizing that I forgot to take pictures of the other half of the room.

I'll post those later)

I would also love to get a comfy reading chair for this room but for now, I'm happy with it as it is.

On the docket this weekend -

- Dinner with two of my siblings tonight

- I really want to put up some Christmas lights outside - my weeny wreath with the battery powered lights is lovely but a little thin.

- buy abovementioned lights

-Straighten my tree (it leans to the left)

- do some more baking

Watch the snow hit on Sunday - big storm a' coming our way!

(which makes me so glad we live on a fairly major street- the city plows and salts the sidewalk!)

Happy Weekend All!

And......We're Back

The West Coast is beautiful

but it's a different world out there.

The people are very nice

but it seemed kind of...

isolated.

It's also very expensive.

(and I live in Toronto!)

Will upload and post pictures later 

(once the laundry is in the machine and I've found my camera.)

Happy Thanksgiving!

(ooh! The sun is coming out! Hurrah!)

Home Sweet Home

My Dad has moved out of the house I grew up in and it's now on the market.
I looked it up on MLS and was kind of sad to see the empty rooms.
I haven't lived there in 16 years but it was where I spent my childhood.
Memories of my mother are unavoidable. She spent her final days there - as well as her healthy, happy ones.

My Dad is 80 now and he and his girlfriend have moved on to a new place - she got a a great, well-paying job and I think for her it's an opportunity to not live in a house that's filled with ghosts, but one that she can make her own home - their home.

But it isn't easy for me.

My brothers and sisters are a fair bit older than me and I think their memories of that house are different than mine - they grew up in a different place - a different city. And although they spent a lot of time there - it wasn't where they were formed.

Our family went through some very hard times during the 80's. My Dad lost the job that he'd held for more than 25 years because he was "too old" and no longer fit the company profile. (That was very common at that time. More youngsters were getting their MBAs and forcing out the old guys who had  helped these companies grow and succeed.)

My mother was diagnosed with cancer when I was 15. I was very naive and I don't think I fully understood the gravity of what was happening - especially since I was told that Mom was "sick and had to have an operation" not that she had colon cancer. This I found out when I overheard the doctor telling she and my father that they thought they had "gotten all of the tumour". Tumour? I remember feeling like the clouds were starting to open up. I was standing in the hallway outside of my mother's room with my best friend, her sister and her mother, who had come to visit. My oldest brother was also there and when I heard the doctor I perked up and said " tumour? She has cancer?" and my brother looked at me as though I was simple and said "What did you think it was?"

I guess they were trying to protect me. I am the youngest of seven kids. Maybe they thought I didn't need to know. Maybe they didn't think at all. Maybe they forgot to tell me.

Anyway - the following five years were good and bad. My Dad struggled with employment - it was hard for him to find a job at his age - he was 56 - but he did his best. My mother's health came and went - as did the cancer and the operations. She was healthy for some of it and was able to work up until about 6 months before she died. I am grateful for that time. She worked at the university I was attending so we got to spend more time together - the hospital where she went for chemo was down the street from the university so I would go to my early morning class then go wait it out with her at the cancer clinic.
I did not do well at school that year - everything was a struggle. It was just the way life was at the time. I did normal things too - drink and party and date - but there was a tarnish to everything that year. I tried to keep Mom's illness quiet because I didn't want people to feel sorry for me but it eventually got out.

She died in June of 1991. It's hard to believe it's almost 20 years ago.

When I look at the pictures of the empty house - I see her. I see the drapes in the bedroom that she chose. I see the chandelier that my sister and I bought for her on sale - it was always a little wonky and didn't hang straight but she swore she loved it. I remember my parents letting me choose the carpets for the bedroom that would be mine ( pink shag carpet. Never let a 4 year old choose her own carpet). I see the family room fireplace where we had our hideous family portrait taken in the early 80's.

I think those were the best years, maybe. Mom had gone back to university and started a career for the first time in her life. She had some independence and income. She was finished with just being a mommy to seven kids and was on her way to being her own person again. I've always felt that she was cheated by life. She was 59 when she died and in some ways, in her 50's, she was finally getting some ease back. She never had a chance to come into her own. Maybe she would disagree with me but it doesn't really matter.

It's all bittersweet.

I'm amazed by and proud of my father for the leap that he is taking in picking up after 35 years in one house and moving to another part of the province with the woman that he loves. At his age, most people are moving into retirement homes. I hope he's happy there. I hope the house sells quickly (which could be a challenge considering it still has a lot of that shag carpet previously mentioned) so that he can move on and leave his ghosts behind. But it still makes me sad to think that our phone number isn't our phone number anymore and that our address is no longer our address.

I guess it's just one more crappy part of being an adult.