ok ok ok

My last post was almost a week ago.

Not good, I know.

But some things have been brewing.

Some ideas.

I think I go through a "I need to lose weight" thing twice a year.

That time has come.

I always try to convince myself that it's for reasons beyond the purely superficial

but let's be honest here

that is the driving force.

But it's also because I want to age well.

I have so far

and I know that it gets harder from here

Obesity runs in my family and I want to avoid (or turn back) that tendancy.

I've tried diets before

and I know they say that they don't work

but something that does work

is balance.

And for me, that's the hardest thing to find.

Fella and I went into a bike store on the weekend

and I saw this beauty:

Globe Roll 1 - $649.00

Seriously lovely bike.

Fella was excited.

We were going to go back, properly dressed, so I could test drive it.

But once we got home,

I got my old bike out.

It's an old pink Raleigh mountain bike that I bought in 1996 so I could ride to school.

I bought it for about $300

it's beat up

and heavy(and was made in Canada!)

but I don't ride it now.

So to go spend $649 + tax on something that I don't even do now

was crazy talk.

I'd been thinking about getting out the old Raleigh

and riding it to the subway every morning.

It would shorten my 15 minute walk/commute to the subway

and would be good for my legs and butt.

So I (mostly) got the Globe out of my head

because I realized that that bike isn't me

it's for the person I want to be

(cool, fit, able to ride a fixed gear bike!)

Besides, the likelihood of my old bike getting stolen from the subway is slim

whereas the Globe, in all it's beauty, would attract the common thief.

So no bike.

But determination to get going and get off said butt.

I've also got a plan for the diet.

And it's this:

Go ahead.

Laugh. Yuk it up.

Because I was incredibly embarrassed to buy this book.

Especially when the sales clerk handed it to me and said,

"Good Luck."

I was mortified.

However, I bought the book.

And here's why:

the book covers the three most important components in getting healthy:

- food plan

- exercise plan

- self-confidence plan

I need all three of these things.

It's a six week plan and it's reasonable.

Of course you have to give up stuff - junk food and sweets

but you get to eat a bit of everything, fruit, dairy, carbs.

But it's a sensible amount

and a wide variety. And I think that once I get used to eating less, I'll feel a whole lot better.

The workouts look good too.

A lot of the moves are familiar from when I used to do boot camp

and I just have to make myself do them.

Fella is 100% in support of this

(I think because it has the word naked in the title. That's all it takes.)

We'll see where we're at on June 26th!



Forty and Fit

In 6 months, I turn 40.

If you sense dread in that comment, you are on the right track.

I've never been particularly bothered by my age but I think 40 is going to be a toughie.

I've also been growing in girth as well as age (doesn't THAT sound atractive? Oh it is.)
So I've decided to get it under control by January 31st.
That gives me 6 months to lost weight, get active, get a grip.
I've made these promises to myself before and they've gone down in flames almost every time but this time
will be different.

It has to be.

G.I. Jane Bootcamp

I'm scared. On Monday, I start bootcamp. I told my partner that I think I'm going to die in bootcamp and he said, "You're not going to die in bootcamp. You're just going to wish you were dead." Truer words were never spoken. Part of me is scared. Part of me doesn't care how much it hurts (easy to say now. Let's see what I'm saying on Monday at 7:30 or so...)

I'm doing it for several reasons: I've gained a lot of weight over the past few months and I've stopped exercising entirely. I've always struggled with my weight and it has creeped up over the years but the last two months have been particularly hellish and I've looked for comfort in a bottle of rose and a plate of nachos. My weight is nearing the highest it's ever been but I've let myself off the hook for the past few months and allowed myself to give in to my grief because I knew I was very, very close to my breaking point and something had to give. What gave was my waistline.

I used to lift weights but started having problems with my hip so had to stop doing the class. After that I felt pretty lost at the gym. I'm hoping the bootcamp will be a new challenge. I've always like fairly "basic" exercise. I also used to take boxing classes and we worked on a circuit and did stuff like crunches, skipping, hitting bags, push ups and tricep presses. While excruciating, you feel raw and fantastic afterwards. And that's one of my other reasons. I know I feel better when I'm working out and eating healthy. I've felt like crud since I stopped - but the voices of the demons in my head or devils on my shoulder or whatever you want to call them can shout louder than my internal voice of reason and so they win and I lose.

My final and most embarassing motivation? D (my partner) and I went to Niagara on the Lake yesterday (more on that later). We were having a lovely time, except that we went for dinner in an old pub and my ass barely fit in the chair. I was scrunched in and could feel the spindles on the sides digging into my legs. That's just not right. I told myself that the chair was an antique and that people were smaller back then - but then I looked around the restaurant and saw that no one else seemed to be suffering from that issue. That blew my theory. I am never going to be skinny. I am 5'10 and not small boned or whatever you want to call it. I also love food way too much to shrink myself in order to fit into some damn chair in a tourist town or a pigeonhole of what people deem acceptable. I am lucky that I am with a man who loves me and loves the way I look but I think that after almost 9 years together, his love has developed some cataracts and he doesn't see that I'm not looking so hot. Time for some changes.

The bootcamp has two classes per week and they're an hour long. Surely I can do an hour? There are four weeks in total. That will take me into September so hopefully I will be in a new, healthier state of mind. Of course, as I sit here, I'm drinking my second glass of pink wine and thinking big thoughts so I may be completely deluded. I'll keep you posted. If you don't hear from me after Monday night, I didn't survive the mission.