fit to be tied

I have a little story about my gym experience,
or rather,
"How to feel worse walking out of the gym than when you walked into it."

I've been having a rough time.
The last 5 months have been really hard
and I have been feeling physically and emotionally weak.
I decided to join the gym because I needed something new
 and challenging
and positive
 to put my energy into.

I have a goal and I'm committed.

When I went to tour the gym
I brought a friend with me
because I have a really hard time saying no to people.
I totally cave in high pressure situations
 and I needed someone to say
"We'll think about it"
and walk me out the
before I signed on the dotted line.

When I went back to sign the contract and hand over my credit card,
the guy said that I get a free assessment with my membership
and when would I like to meet with the guy?
I was on vacation the next week so I thought
I would come down then and get it out of the way
so I could start my workouts on the Monday.

The day came and I went.
The guy was nice.
He asked me a lot of questions -
what my goals were
what I was looking for?

I had questions.
I answered his questions.
He did my weight and BMI
and told me what I should shoot for.
He took me through a bunch of exercises to test my endurance.

I did ok on some.
Terrible on others.

He put me on a couple machines
that I was unfamiliar with
so I felt a bit foolish.
He pointed out my inadequacies
and by the time we were back in the office, I felt like I knew nothing
(which isn't true. I'm rusty, but I don't know nothing.)

So - would I feel comfortable working with someone?
Well sure.

Next thing I know,
there's some other guy in there
 laying out the costs of working with a trainer
(bait and switch? Yes. I think so.)

I don't dispute the value of a trainer
but it would have quadrupled my monthly gym costs
and considering I hadn't done a single workout yet,
I wasn't ready to shell out more $$.

I told the guy that I would have to talk it over with my husband
(thinking that most couples discuss financial choices before making decisions)
but he responded by saying
that my husband would have to "let" me
or basically approve the cost.

(I went with that.
Fella isn't like that,
but what difference did it make it this guy knew that?)

He understood.

He offered me a once in a lifetime deal of one free session with a trainer
(he didn't say it was once in a lifetime. That's just what I heard.)
I said that I wouldn't sign up for a year of training sessions with someone I hadn't even met.

I had done well up to this point.
I questioned him.
I doubted.
I said no.

But then
-
disaster.

He said that we would give me the one free session
but I just had to sign this contract to "hold my spot" with the trainer.
I asked him why I had to sign it if I wasn't committing to signing on with her.

I got a look.
And he was insulted.
He didn't like what I was implying.
Would he do that to me?
He wouldn't do that to me!
He's not that kind of guy!
Come on!

I don't know if I was just tired and / or defeated by that point
but I signed the damned contract.

I went to the locker room
and got changed and left.
I felt terrible.
Really, really terrible
and stupid.
Like I'd been completely duped.

I went to the lobby of the building and called Fella.
Told him what happened.
His question -
"why do you have to sign something that's free?
Did it say it was free on the contract?"

Um.
No.

"Go back and get the contract. Now."

So that's what I did.
I went back upstairs and asked for the guy.
He came towards me when he saw me
 and I started shaking my head.

"It's a no-go," I said.
"My husband said I can't sign on with a trainer."
(why not say that? Takes the blame off poor little me.)

"So I'll need that contract back."

He shook his head and I followed him back to his office.
The contract was still laying on his desk
and he pick it up and I held my hand out.

He wouldn't give it to me
but he did tear it up.

Thanks Winston.

I left and felt like such crap.
Honestly, I felt like a total putz.

I told a friend the whole story a couple of days later.
She said -
"Why focus on how stupid you felt that you gave in to his high pressure tactics?
It took more guts to go back and make him tear up the contract."

Um, because that's what I do.....

Why am I sharing this story?
Because it was a daunting, hope-crushing way to start at a new gym
(which is intimidating enough on its own)

I felt like my power had been taken away
and that's a terrible way to feel.

But I rallied.

I realized that I really didn't have 

to interact with anyone at the gym from here on out, 

if I don't want to.

I was on my own.

In a good way.

 I decided to take my power back,
And I was going to stick to my plan.
And so far, I have.

Live and learn.

And try not to beat yourself up too much for being human.

possibly farther

Today I saw a note taped to the door of the coffee shop I visit every morning before work.

It said ~

Someone out there loves you to the moon and back.
Possibly farther.

Isn't that neat?




Yes.

It is.

winter

I don't outright hate winter

but it wears on me.

I miss my backyard.

I miss seeing my cats frolic in the grass and bask in the sunshine

I miss being outdoors everyday.

I appreciate the beauty of winter

but I wish it would hurry up already.

I counted the weeks to April

(since in April there's usually a turning point, even if it's not summer's balmy breezes yet)

Coats are put away

boots are relegated to the storage space

and skin starts to be exposed.

10 weeks!

Only 10 weeks to April Fool's.

That's not so bad, right?

We can do that, 

can't we?

We can.

10 weeks.

What's 10 weeks?

It's nothing.

runaway bunny

I so needed to see this

after the week I've had.

Sometimes hearing other people laugh hysterically is enough to cause me to do the same.

Happy Thanksgiving.

away

Do you know what it's like when you've stopped doing something, like, say

going to the gym

or getting regular checkups

or scheduling a hair appointment

and the result is that you are slightly embarrassed

and so

you stay away

even

longer?

(which is, of course, the complete opposite of what you should be doing and by doing so you are, again, perpetuating the problem)

That's kind of how I feel about ye old' blog here.

I've been off flitting here and there

and forgetting to land

well

here.

I've been up to this and that.

I'm trying some new things.

I'm trying to figure out some things.

I loving this fall weather

and have accepted that summer is over.

I feel the renewal.

Any maybe that's why I'm back,

That,

and the guilt.

See you soon. 

FrankenFlood

I've decided

I'm calling it

FrankenFlood.

Simcoe St and Front

(downtown)

Museum Subway Station

Queen's Park Subway Station

This is a highway.

Not a river.

Highway 427 and Burnhamthorpe

People were stuck on a GoTrain for hours.

They were finally retrieved by the marine unit around 1a.m.

It was a lot of rain.

126 mm which set records.

Our power was out for about 2 1/2 hours

and I realized that we are woefully unprepared for power outages.

(Now on the shopping list - batteries for the radio.)

We are lucky that we are on high ground

our basement didn't flood

and we had no damage that I can see.

I had been buying flowers at Home Depot just before the rain started.

Needless to say, they don't require watering.

photos all from Twitter / CBC

wonder cat

Have you heard of Momo?

She was a swimming sensation on the weekend

Her cat antics made national news

(and I can never resist a cat story.)

She swam to safety in the high tides in High River with the help of her friend Kevan.

You can read her story here.

And to all those affecting by the flooding in Alberta. 

Hang in there.

You've handled this well

and will bounce back.

And kudos to the Calgary mayor, Naheed Nenshi for being a true leader in a very difficult time.

I can't say that ours would be able to do the same.

hello dolly!

I've tried a lot of different mascaras in my life

and hands down, Lancome is the consistent winner.

Hypnose is my particular favorite

and it was time for a new tube.

I headed to Sephora 

and while perusing the Lancome section,

I started considering something other than my usual choice.

Doll Lashes

It's not cheap 

($31)

but it's worth it.

It says that it will give you a "wide-eyed look" and I'd say that's mostly true.

It goes on smoothly

and definitely enhanced my less than spectacular lashes.

The only negative is that it has a slight rose scent.

I hate the scents that Lancome uses for their products. Hypnose has the usual somewhat chemical-ly smell that dissolves as soon as it dries

but Doll Lashes smells like roses

and while I love roses,

my eyelashes aren't roses

and after I tried it for the first time

it seemed to follow me around

and I found it quite strong.

I haven't noticed it as much since so perhaps I've gotten used to it now

and I love this mascara and can't imagine switching it out.

I can't say it makes me look like this:

But that's ok.

I generally go for a less 

"plastic" look anyway.

Available all over.

heart = warmed

how can you not love donkeys?

I'm at home sick with the flu.

I am bored.

I am looking at cute animal photos on imgur.

Courage Canada Blind Hockey Tournament 2013

On Saturday night we went and watched Blind Hockey.

Yes - that's right.

The hockey players are legally blind.

The organization was started by Mark Demontis.
He was diagnosed with Leber’s Optic Neuropathy  in 2005 and became legally blind.
He played AA hockey
but his condition ended his career.

He soon discovered blind hockey and joined the Toronto Ice Owls hockey team.
In 2008, he founded Canada Courage Hockey for the Blind so that youth who are blind or visually impaired have the same opportunity to learn to skate and play hockey that he did growing up.

You can read the rest of their story here because they can tell it way better than I can.

Here's what I can tell you.

Fella called me from work on Saturday afternoon and asked me if I wanted to do something different that night.

How about Blind Hockey?

he said. 

?

But since I'm usually up for most anything,

I said

sure why not?

And I'm so glad we did.

I think everything should go to events like this.
Because words like
"I can't"
are not heard.

It was an exciting game.
I forgot the players were blind much of the time.
They are tough
and they are capable.

They were amazing.
I could never play as well as they did.

Courage Canada relies on donations to keep going.

So if the fancy strikes you,
or if it's just for the love of the game
 you can donate here.

never underestimate the power of a good deed

    and a bit of kindness in a moment of need.

(CNN) -- At the start of the evening dinner rush on January 10, a group of 13 is seated at an Applebee's in Mason City, Iowa. Their waitress is new. She is nervous. She has never served a big group before but after a little reassurance she is ready.

The 13 men and women, ages 25-60, are dressed in flight suits from University of Iowa AirCare. They have just attended a memorial service for three colleagues killed in a medical helicopter crash on January 2 and have stopped for dinner before the long drive home. Dr. Azeem Ahmed, medical director of the University of Iowa AirCare program, said the deaths had hit the Northern Iowa emergency responder community hard.

Russ Piehl and Shelly Lair-Langenbau, along with pilot Gene Grell, were killed just minutes after climbing into a Mercy Medical Center North helicopter to pick up a patient. Although the cause of the crash is not known, the Des Moines Register reports the helicopter hit the ground and burst into flames just 15 miles away from the hospital from where it had been dispatched. Radio Iowa said Grell was looking forward to being a "husband in the near future." The paper described paramedic Piehl as a dedicated professional with a sense of humor. Nurse Lair-Langenbau was described by WHOtv.com as a "hell of a nurse" and dedicated mother to her two young daughters.

More than 1,000 people including emergency responders, members of the public and family attended the service.

"It was somber, but uplifting," Ahmed said. "It helped us all with the healing process."

As the group finished their meals their waitress told Ahmed their bill will be "very small."

"What do you mean?" Ahmed asked.

The waitress handed the doctor a folder. Inside was a note on a napkin, written in capital letters.

"For all you do and in memory of your team mates ... This meal is on us."

Ahmed said after reading the note he stood up and addressed the group, explaining what had just happened. Then he passed it around. Some had tears in their eyes.

"We were very moved and humbled," said Ahmed. "We were overwhelmed."

Jennifer Allen, Applebee's associate manager, said the entire staff was overwhelmed, "in a good way." On the drive home Ahmed said the conversation naturally gravitated toward the note. Each person, Ahmed said, committed to paying the good deed forward.

Ahmed posted a photo of the note and a short caption to his Facebook page and on the Facebook page for University of Iowa AirCare. It received more than 2,000 shares, 12,000 likes and 500 comments. When asked why he shared it he said there were three reasons.

First, he wanted to recognize the person, who wished to remain anonymous, in some way for her or his kindness.

Second, he wanted to let emergency responders know what they do makes a difference and for them to feel the same support.

Third, he wanted to honor those who died by motivating others to pay it forward. "It's motivation for myself and everyone who sees it to do something similar," Ahmed said. "In the end, the people who died, this is the best way to honor them."

how do you get through the winter?

I went back to work on Monday
and it was suddenly like my vacation never existed.
Ok that's not entirely true.
The truth is, by the end of the day I had a headache slamming it's way around my head
and my eyes were burning
and I was so overwhelmed by the amount of work I have to do that I felt like I'd never be efficient at my job ever again and that every day was going to blend together because I never leave my desk and I was never, ever going to completely finish even one task.

An overreaction?
Perhaps.

The tipping point was when I got on the very crowded subway wearing my ankle length puffy coat
and I thought -
it's January 7th.

Spring is a looooong way off.

But when I got off the subway,
I thought,
ok self.
Rather than succumb to the panic that is bubbling under your puffer coat,
why not come up with a plan?

I started thinking about how to divvy up the work I have to do
and focus on a task until it's done.
No
matter
what.


And then I started to think -
well this isn't just about work.
It's about winter.
And how do I get through the winter?

We can't afford a winter holiday this year
and I really, really wish we could.

But we can't and that's just the way it is.

So what can we do?

Have people over for dinner.
Go to movies on the weekends.
Brunch
Read (only 49 books to go!)

Plan adventures.
I'd really like to try snow shoeing
(fella suggested it a couple of months ago)

Get out of town and discover another one.
Get out of the city and walk through the woods.

How about you? How do you survive the winter months?

What adventures do you have planned?
(I'm open to suggestions!)

these days

my brain is full.

every day is a race.

an hour by hour race

and at the end

I feel like i've gotten nowhere.

now that may sound really negative

and I don't mean it to

because in a lot of ways

I am more 

awake

than I've been in a long time.

I feel weighty responsibility on my shoulders

but it isn't heavy

(if that makes any sense at all.)

I am looking forward to a two week break in December

to give it all a rest

but until then

I'm going to bed early

eating my vegetables

and feeling physically good.

and each day

the race continues

remember remember the 5th of november

November is one of those months that fills most Canadians with dread.

There are no holidays.

The weather is the worst - cold, damp, rainy

All the glorious colours of fall are gone

the trees are naked

and the days get shorter.

I think this is why so many people decorate for Christmas so early.

There's nothing to look forward to in November

so they go straight to the next holiday

(which is a biggie.)

I don't like to decorate for holidays too far in advance.

I think that like most things, if you look at them too long, you stop appreciating them.

So my Christmas decorations don't come out of their boxes until November is over.

So what do we do with November?

Well I have a few ideas on how I'm going to spend my November.

And it doesn't involve a plot to blow up parliament.

I did a similar thing last November
and I did ok until I hurt myself and went off the rails (so to speak.)

This month I am committing to salad days
getting in more workouts
stretching (because stretching can save your sorry self)
and trying to drop a few more lbs before the holiday season hits.

I was going to make fruitcake
(which I know to most people is not a treat at all but rather some sort of horrid punishment)
but fella and I decided to eliminate the sugary treats as much as possible.
The holidays will bring sugar galore
why bake up the temptation myself?
This is hard because I love to bake
but I also love to eat
and I need to quit that.

So that's my November plan.
Not much of a plan really
but I feel so good these days
and I don't want December to spoil that.

What is your plan for November?
How will you pass the days?

The Wrath of Sandy

The Atlantic has posted some incredible images

of the effects of Hurricane Sandy.

 

You can find more here.

mission 26

Fella showed me this video last night.

It's the journey of the space shuttle Endeavour from the Los Angeles International Airport to it's final resting place at the California Space Center.

What strikes me about "spaceships" is how mammoth they are. 

I first saw it when we went to the Kennedy Space Center in Florida last winter - 

these ships are so big it's hard to capture them in a single photo.

Now, the space shuttle isn't as big as the rockets we saw

but clearly they weren't designed to travel through the city streets.

There's another video on the LA times site that shows the shuttle being detached from the Boeing 747 that flew it in. 

I also found this great photo:

The Endeavour goes to Hollywood.

See more here.

stop

Bear River, Nova Scotia

I hurt my back in August.

I had felt a little pain

and had a scheduled appointment with my chiropractor the next day

so I didn't think anything of it.

I woke up the next day and it was worse.

Went to the chiropractor

and he said the SI joint was acting up and being out of place.
(the SI joints are in your lower back, where those little dimples are. You know the ones.)

He did an adjustment

and it all went downhill from there.

That was on a Wednesday.

By Friday, I'd had it.

The first meltdown happened when I went to get ready for bed.

I couldn't bend over to wash my face.

I twisted and turned and bent my knees

but I splashed water all over the floor.

Then I tried to brush my teeth.

That's when the real waterworks started.

I felt useless
and that's what really got me going.

For the record, it's not easy to cry and brush your teeth.

But in that I was successful.

On Saturday I had another appointment with the chiropractor.

I was totally fine in the morning. Still stiff. But ok.

Fella had gone off to work

and I had intentions of hitting the mall after my appointment

to buy something really exciting - a new iron.

I know.
Scintillating.

Anyway - I walked into the clinic and he looked at me and asked me how I was and I said grimly,

Not good.

I have to say - I really like Dr. Green.

We chat and joke and have great talks when I go to see him.
I'm never very serious.

Most of all - I totally trust him.

I know he wants me to feel better

he's not in it for a cash grab.

He's a great doctor.

He put me in one of the examining rooms

and put on the cursed Dr. Ho's version of electro-shock.
It's a horrible device.
It sends electric shocks into muscles to release the tension.
And when your muscles are as tight as can be
it really hurts.

That's when I started crying.
There I was, laying face down on the table.
Blubbering like a baby.
And I couldn't stop.
And I didn't know why I was crying.

After about 10 minutes he came in and jokingly said
How's my little twitcher?

I looked at him and said,
I can't stop crying.
And I don't even know why I'm crying.
But I've been trying to stop for-oh-5 minutes and I can't.

He pulled up a stool and asked if everything was ok.
I said yes. I'd been fine before I got there.
I was going shopping for a iron afterwards!

But I was still crying.

He said that it's really common for back pain to trigger tears.
It affects everything you do
so it can really wear on you.
He said that the good news was that the pain I was suffering
was not an indication of the severity of the injury.
The injury was very minor.
It just takes 3-4 weeks to go back to how it should be.

He also said that a lot of people cry for no reason in his office
so he's used it.
His kindness made me cry more.
(I'm not a big cryer but kindness gets me almost every time.)

I pulled myself together
and we finished up and I left.

I realized that I needed to pull myself together before I could go anywhere
so I sat down a low wall across from a fountain.
The fountain has a public art piece in it.
It's this odd metal canoe skeleton with pointy spear -like thingies sticking up out of the water.
I walk by it whenever I go to that office and dismiss it as stupid every time I look at it.

But that day was different,
I actually sat and looked at that piece
and I saw it for the first time.

And it made sense.

It's hard to stop - you plan out your time
and convince yourself that all the things on your list are necessary.

But when you stop, that's when you really catch up.

It made me feel better.

Mostly, I think, because I took the time to focus on something outside of myself.

And isn't that, sometimes, what art is about?



7 stories

They say there are only 7 stories in the world.
So sometimes,
I can't help but notice
how ordinary we all are.

But then, I look up into the sky
and remember ~
there is usually a little bit of extraordinary out there

you just have to look for it.

of things to come

While it's true that I don't have any good reasons for my recent absenteeism,
it's also true that I have been busy.
I've had some great
and not so great
adventures.

Here are the highlights, to be expanded on in future posts.

1. The cursed SI joint. We have two of them. Last winter, I threw out the one on the right. How? By wheeling empty garbage bins from the sidewalk to the garage. This is not a physically daunting task. But that's all it took.

This time?

I have no idea. But the result was even worse than the first time.
Last time it caused the muscles in my leg and quad to seize up, forcing me to limp everywhere.
This time it was my lower back. I couldn't stand up straight. Or sit for long periods of time. And it would wake me up in the middle of the night. Sometimes in tears.
I couldn't lift anything.
I couldn't do any gardening.
I couldn't go grocery shopping.
For some - this would seem like a vacation.
For me?
Hell.

And if that's not bad enough - it went on for 3 weeks. This is a normal healing time.
 I wish I could tell you what to do to avoid this injury but it seems completely random. Now back problems are for me, a big problem.
I get massages regularly and visit my chiropractor once a month.
But that is maintenance.
This was real pain.

But I learned something. And that I will share with you soon.


2. Fella and I gave up sugar. Not all sugar - but sweets, really. Oh and I gave up sugar in my coffee. That is, surprisingly, the hardest part for me. It's been a month. And it's been pretty successful.
More on that later.

3. I went to a cottage. Or should I say "cottage". My cottage, growing up, was a cabin on the ocean (can't beat that) but it had no running water or electricity. It was great when I was a kid. As an adult? I like showering so....not so much.
This place was incredible. Wait til you see!

4. I've read a few books. Some goodies. Don't worry, I'll tell you all about them.

I'm sure there is more but those are the biggies.
Hey - maybe the hiatus wasn't such a bad thing.
I'm feeling kind of inspired.
Ready to take on the world
(maybe it's because I'm not hunched over anymore and can actually get up out of a chair now without doing weird contortions. Whatever.)

Or maybe because it's September.

And even if you're not heading back to school, there's something about September that feels like a fresh start.

A change of season.

And an excuse to buy new stationary supplies.

search me

One thing I love about the internet is when you go to a search engine
and start to type in a question and you see all the other questions that have come up.

The other night I typed in:

"Why d..."

And here's what came up in the drop down menu.

Why is the sky blue?
Why do men cheat?
Why do cats purr?
Why do I yawn?
Why do dogs lick?
Why do we dream?
Why is moonshine illegal?
Why is my eye twitching?
Why did I get married?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why did alcatraz close?

The childlike wonder of the world.

I tell you.
You can't make up stuff this good.